Steven

INT. ANIMAL TESTING FACILITY – MORNING
A scientist has gathered all of his lab assistants for questioning.

SCIENTIST
As you all know, something terrible occurred last night.
Many of the animals were released from the cages,
and we have reason to believe it was in an inside job.
Whoever is responsible for this, if you come forward it
will go much smoother for you. So, I’m going to ask you all:
Who let the dogs out?

LAB ASSISTANTS
HOO HOO-HOO HOO HOO!

SCIENTIST
Haha, very funny. But seriously, guys, we need to find these dogs.
Who let the dogs out?

LAB ASSISTANTS
HOO HOO-HOO HOO HOO!

SCIENTIST
Maybe you don’t understand the gravity of this situation.
These dogs had been experimented on. It’s crucial
we get them back before anyone is injured.
Will someone please tell me who let the dogs out?

LAB ASSISTANTS
HOO HOO-HOO HOO HOO!

SCIENTIST
These animals have endured tremendous psychological trauma.
They are highly volatile creatures with every reason to distrust humans.
So, please, who let the dogs out?

LAB ASSISTANTS
HOO HOO-HOO HOO HOO!

SCIENTIST
Okay, maybe I’m not being clear enough. We injected
these dogs with shark adrenaline. One taste of our blood
and the human race becomes glorified Alpo.
I beg of you, who let the dogs out?

LAB ASSISTANTS
HOO HOO-HOO HOO HOO!

SCIENTIST
I guess maybe I should’ve mentioned the radioactivity.
We reached unthinkable radioactive isotopes in these creatures.
Coming within ten feet of one could prove fatal.
I implore you, WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!?!

LAB ASSISTANTS
HOO HOO-HOO HOO HOO!

SCIENTIST
Is this a joke to you? You’ve essentially unleashed a
radioactive land shark attack on civilization. I get it,
in the 90’s there was a popular yet deplorable song
called “Who Let the Dogs Out?”

LAB ASSISTANTS
HOO HOO-HOO…

SCIENTIST
ENOUGH! The joke isn’t even current. Alright, let’s try this:
Which of you is responsible for releasing the canines?

Beat. The lab assistants look at each other, dumbfounded, before one responds.

LAB ASSISTANT #1
Steven.

SCIENTIST
Who?

LAB ASSISTANTS
HOO-HOO HOO HOO!

SCIENTIST
Ha! That one’s on me. Oh well, probably everyone is dead.

THE END