Octodoption

Mr. Tibbins, the headmaster of the orphange, introduces a potential foster mother to the children, eight of whom are the children of OctoMom. The children all smile widely for her, hoping to impress.

TIBBINS
This is our first boy, Tommy, but he probably isn’t to your liking. He has behavioral issues, wets the bed, and recently contracted rabies.

Tommy’s wide smile reveals only gums, no teeth.

TIBBINS
We were forced to remove his teeth due to biting.

WOMAN
That does sound uninviting. But I do like boys. Show me another.

TIBBINS
(Showing her the first of four octuplet boys)
How about this boy? He is very nice and well-mannered.

WOMAN
He does look like a nice boy. I do not wish to make a rash decision, though. I would like to see some more.

TIBBINS
(Showing her the second of four octuplet boys)
How about this one?

WOMAN
Wait a minute. Isn’t that the boy I just looked at?

TIBBINS
He is similar, yes, but this one is even more nice and well-mannered.

WOMAN
Show me some variety, Mr. Tibbins.

TIBBINS
Very well.
(Showing her the third of four octuplet boys)

Have you seen this boy?

WOMAN
Are you attempting to insult my intelligence?

TIBBINS
Of course not, Madam!

WOMAN
Do you have any others?

TIBBINS
Yes, one more…

WOMAN
If he looks like the other ones don’t bother.

TIBBINS
How about a girl?

WOMAN
Very well. At least it won’t be that same boy again.

TIBBINS
(Showing her the first of four octuplet girls)
This is one of our loveliest girls, prettier than all the rest.

WOMAN
She looks like the girl version of all those boys.

(She looks down the line.)

And you’ve got three more just like her.

TIBBINS
I can assure you each child is…

WOMAN
I don’t know what kind of racket you are running here, Mr. Tibbins; If you are cloning children or building robots, or just got a great deal on some kids in bulk. But I will not have an assembly line child pawned off on me!

TIBBINS
I’m sorry, those are all the children we have.

WOMAN
Hmmm. The bedwetter with rabies, will either condition improve over time?

TIBBINS
Possibly. But he’s an orphan, if not you just put him down.

WOMAN
Sold.

She leaves with Tommy. Mr.Tibbins turns back to the octuplets.

TIBBINS
A few of you are getting fake mustaches. This is getting ridiculous.

THE END