Jesus and his friends chillax on a comfy couch as God enters.
GOD
Jesus, could I have a word with you?
FRIEND
You want us to stay, J?
JESUS
It’s cool, Dead Janis Joplin. I’ll catch up with y’all later.
GOD
What have you done today, Son?
JESUS
Me and my buds were just talking about this video game
I want to design. It’s called GTA: Heaven’s Gate.
GOD
What’s it about?
JESUS
You know Grand Theft Auto, right?
GOD
I’m familiar. I keep a pretty busy schedule, I haven’t played.
JESUS
In Heaven’s Gate, the deal is, you’ve gotta break into heaven and steal
halos that you can use as weapons. Then, once you’ve completed all
the levels and collected all the halos, you’re last mission is to kill Go…
Y’know, it doesn’t really matter what the game is about.
GOD
I know I give you a lot of grief, Jeezy, but you wouldn’t be happy if I died.
You would be forced to run things.
JESUS
I would totally rename everything. Heaven would be called “The Nitrous Tent.”
And Hell would become “The Penalty Box.” How sweet is that?
GOD
It’s not as easy as just renaming places and making the afterlife “chill.”
Order doesn’t just create itself, you know.
JESUS
No. It doesn’t. YOU create it. YOU create everything. Well I can create things
too, Dad. I’m creating something right now in my sphincter.
(Farting, then waving at God)
What do you think of my creation, Dad? I modeled it after two of your
creations: Mexico and summertime.
GOD
Oh, Jesus! That smell is awful! Did you actually eat a fart?
JESUS
(Standing up and farting in God’s face)
No, did you?
GOD
Jesus, stop this at once! That tastes like a four-day-old burrito in
the desert. Get dressed and come with me. We have work to do.
JESUS
I totally would, Dad, but I promised some of the dudes I’d heckle
the recently deceased with them. Besides, you got it covered, right?
GOD
Everyone said, “Get a dog, God.”
JESUS
I mean, you’re GOD and everything.
GOD
“A dog won’t let you down, God.”
JESUS
Dog. That’s God spelled backwards. Am I the first guy to figure that out?
GOD
How are you my child?
JESUS
Get up for a second. I think you’re sitting on my rolling papers.
THE END
