Ben Axelrad

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Posts by Ben Axelrad

Time Off for Good Behavior

Jun 13th

Posted by Ben Axelrad in Daily Blogs

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Sorry for the absence lately. We’re all taking some time to revisit life outside the internet. Not sure when we’ll be back up and running, but thanks for all the time you’ve spent with us already and hopefully this hiatus won’t extend too long.

Back to the Beach!

Jun 1st

Posted by Ben Axelrad in Daily Blogs

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Episode 2 of Horny Beach from The Birthday Boys!

My name is Ben and I recommend this.

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Happy Memorial Day

May 30th

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No matter your opinions on military, let’s remember that people who serve and have served our country in the pursuit of freedom are extremely brave for doing so. Thank you to those who do a job I am too big a pussy to ever do myself.

May we all live and die with a purpose greater than self.

My name is Ben, let the BBQ Games begin!

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Sweet Daddy Issues

May 26th

Posted by Ben Axelrad in Daily Blogs

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For Mother’s Day I bought my Mom a dozen chocolate-covered strawberries from Shari’s Berries. Mom enjoyed them, I enjoyed giving them, and Shari enjoyed making a quick buck. Mom and I haven’t mentioned the transaction since, but Shari, she’s been trying to shove her berries down my throat at every conceivable turn. Well, the conceivable turn called Father’s Day is coming up, and this time Shari’s gone too far…

Gross!!!!! Never use “sweet cravings” and my name in the same sentence. And, if you break that rule, at least spare me the use of my full name. “Sweet cravings, Benjamin?” Where am I, Buffalo Bill’s pit? Thank you, Shari. You’ve officially implanted an untrue sexual molestation flashback in my memory bank.

Oh, in case you’re wondering, the best way to satisfy “Dad’s sweet cravings” is with…

Why did she choose that phrasing? She could’ve gone with “Favorite Strawberries” or “Most Popular Strawberries” or really anything except “Most Wanted” – a phrase we exclusively associate with the FBI’s list of most sought after criminals. It sort of feels like I got the email that was demographically designed for sex workers. Well I’m not a sex worker, Shari! (Though, I guess I’m flattered you think I could be.)

Seriously though, this is fucked up, right? “Sweet cravings” are reserved exclusively for sex, drugs, and murder. Nobody refers to strawberries that way. Cherries, maybe. Ugh. Look what kind of jokes you’re making me write, Shari. Now I feel gross.

My name is Ben and my dad prefers Strawberry Cough.

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The Beach Boys

May 24th

Posted by Ben Axelrad in Daily Blogs

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I recently introduced my friends The Birthday Boys to this fun video hosting site called YouTube and, wouldn’t you know it, they’ve taken to it like fishheads in boiling water. And by that I mean swimmingly and/or deliciously.

Subscribe to The Birthday Boy YouTube page and tune in Mondays for new episodes of Horny Beach, the beach-based webseries that’s making the Summer horny. Shout out to beach babe Angela Trimbur from this episode.

My name is Ben and I recommend this.

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…It’s Off to Work I Go

May 23rd

Posted by Ben Axelrad in Daily Blogs

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Today, folks, I’m going off to a regular job. It’s just a temp gig – over one day after it starts – but it still feels weird; going to an office and staying there all day. People do this all the time. They wake up by alarm and roll from bed to bathroom to closet to car to traffic to job. From what I understand, this works best with the help of coffee. But I don’t drink coffee. So, instead, I chugged a 2-liter of Coca-Cola in under 60 seconds with a car battery attached to my nipples. The combination kinda tastes like coffee. Now I get why you guys drink the stuff. It’s gross, but a least it protects your nipples.

My name is Ben and I’m just a regular old working stiff.

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Cartoonin’ w/ The Birthday Boys

May 19th

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My name is Ben and I recommend this for Fucky.

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Make a Date to Do Great

May 16th

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While you’re mapping out that hectic week of yours let me make a quick plug for an incredible show happening this Thursday night: “I’M DOING GREAT” – A one-woman show written and performed by Madeline Walter. I know, the show’s the same night as the season finale of The Office. Tivo it. I know, your kids got that end-of-the-year school recital thing. Tivo it. I know, you were scheduled to donate a kidney that night and I also know that can’t be Tivo’d. Hulu it. Because this is more important.

If you’re in Los Angeles it would behoove you to drop just about anything you’ve got planned for Thursday and go to the show I’m calling “laugh-out-loud from start to finish!” “Two thumbs WAY up,” says renowned tough-egg-to-crack, Me. And the Hermitic Critic himself, Ben Axelrad, said “I enjoyed it so much I saw it a second time, and I’ll probably return for a third.” The critics all agree, this one’s a winner!

All of the above is true. I did laugh out loud from start to finish and I do give it two thumbs up; one for each of the times I’ve seen it, plus a big toe for the third time I will probably go. The show starts off at a self-help seminar, then takes us on a journey through the upside-down lives of some of the seminar’s attendees. Madeline’s knack for locating the charming clumsiness in humanity allows the audience to simultaneously laugh at and with her characters, and the smart hilarious script offers countless opportunities to do just that. The show does lack one thing, though: A dull moment. You see what I did there? The show is funnier than that. Make a reservation today before they sell out. I’m looking forward to saying I told ya so!

My name is Ben and I recommend this.

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Comedy Goes Ham

May 11th

Posted by Ben Axelrad in Daily Blogs

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Kids, it’s true, thanks to the internet there’s a whole lotta sketch comedy in the world. There’s so much, in fact, that sometimes you think to yourself, “If only there was a structured studio system to sort through all the rubble and provide me with a lineup of the most enjoyable options.” Well that’s never gonna happen so you might as well just stop wishing for it. And besides, that’s what you’ve got me for. Will this “studio system” tell you stories or tuck you in at night or breastfeed you? No. And you know one of my nipples has chocolate on tap. So stop complaining about your shackles and listen up, cause I got something goooood to show ya.

Mary Sasson, Ben Greene, and Robert Stephens are HAMILTON 100

Ben Greene, Mary Sasson, and Robert Stephens make up the new sketch team HAMILTON 100 and you’re gonna want to get in on the ground floor of this one, kids. They launched their brand new website last week behind a couple fine sketches and the first three episodes of the hilarious webseries “HOW WAS SCHOOL”. Check out episode 1:

And while you’re here, take a gander at one of their fine sketches:

I know y’all are gonna like these guys. Head over to their site now, then thank me later. Actually, thank me first. Brotha’s gotta get paid n’ all. Yeaaaaah, that’s the stuff. Now head on over!

My name is Ben and I recommend this.

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The Birthday Boys in “Heroic Man”

May 9th

Posted by Ben Axelrad in Daily Blogs

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LA: Get your tickets while you still can for HEROIC MAN, an all-new hour of sketch comedy from THE BIRTHDAY BOYS, directed by MR. SHOW’s BOB ODENKIRK, this Wednesday at 8 @ The Steve Allen Theatre.

A FEW DONT’S

Don’t be the dummy who says, “Eh, I’ll catch it on DVD.” No. It almost definitely won’t be on DVD. Go on Wednesday.

Don’t be the lazy fool who says, “Maybe they’ll perform the show at my house.” They won’t. They don’t even know you. And you live in a cramped studio above the Metro. Go on Wednesday.

Definitely don’t be the brain-dead idiot who says, “Mmmsh istqba faaafffffaaaaaaaaaaa.” Those aren’t words! You have a freaky neurological condition. Get that checked out right after you tape your mouth shut and go on Wednesday.

It’s okay to be one of the uninitiated few who says, “But I’ve never heard of The Birthday Boys.” However, if you those words are coming out of your ignorant speak-hole, you simply MUST go on Wednesday. And you should also click this link.

Come on guys. We’ve been doing this for, like, two years now. It’s the Birthday Boys. Best sketch comedy there is. If this show doesn’t sell out, everything we’ve been doing since pretty much the beginning of time was for nothing. Please, don’t shit on God’s divine plan. Only a real fuck-hole would do that. Seeya Wednesday!

My name is Ben and “If you want to see God laugh, make a plan.” But if you want to see God laugh so hard he chokes, make a plan to take him to this show on Wednesday!

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