New York and the tri-state area, provided you like longform improv in strange locations at all hours of the day and night (raise your hand, dickhead who doesn’t), have I got a treat for you. This weekend all over the borough of Manhattan, the Upright Citizens Brigade presents the Del Close Marathon!
The Del Close Marathon is a weekend-long celebration of . . . aw hell, I’ll just show you this promotional video:
Okay, that didn’t help at all. DCM is a giant improv festival held in New York each year celebrating the founder of longform improvisation Del Close and featuring the best and brightest from the UCB theaters in New York and LA. Many of your favorite stars from film and TV got their starts at this theater and at this festival and many of them will be returning to join in the celebration alongside some of the future stars of those very same media. It’s a great time and if I was on the East Coast I would sure as shit be there.
I’ve been told $25 will secure you a pass to all the festivities, or you can but tickets to individual shows if you’re just looking for a taste. Many of our friends including Convoy, Arts & Athletics, Fat Magic Bear, The Midnight Show, DERRICK Comedy, and many others will be performing shows that could otherwise only be seen in Los Angeles. I encourage you to get a glimpse of the other coast, though don’t sleep on the New York teams either. Here’s a schedule of the 150+ performances between Friday and Sunday.
Let me take a minute now to speak to some of the performers; friends of mine who will be doing dunken, unconscionable for the next 96 hours:
To all my drunk female friends, put down that dick. It’s not a champagne bottle and you won’t like what comes bubbling out when you pop the cork.
To all my drunk, gay-curious male friends, don’t even think about doing that with that champagne bottle. It’s not a dick, and you won’t like what comes shooting out when you put it in your ass.
To all my gay, fabulous friends . . . You do you, guys. This is like Improv Mardi Gras. I encourage you to fuck all the straight guys.
My name is Ben and what happens at DCM stays at DCM untul it’s brought back from DCM and told to everyone.
No matter your opinions on military, let’s remember that people who serve and have served our country in the pursuit of freedom are extremely brave for doing so. Thank you to those who do a job I am too big a pussy to ever do myself.
May we all live and die with a purpose greater More >
For Mother’s Day I bought my Mom a dozen chocolate-covered strawberries from Shari’s Berries. Mom enjoyed them, I enjoyed giving them, and Shari enjoyed making a quick buck. Mom and I haven’t mentioned the transaction since, but Shari, she’s been trying to shove her berries down my throat at every conceivable turn. Well, the conceivable More >
I recently introduced my friends The Birthday Boys to this fun video hosting site called YouTube and, wouldn’t you know it, they’ve taken to it like fishheads in boiling water. And by that I mean swimmingly and/or deliciously.
Subscribe to The Birthday Boy YouTube page and tune in Mondays for new episodes of Horny Beach, the More >
Today, folks, I’m going off to a regular job. It’s just a temp gig – over one day after it starts – but it still feels weird; going to an office and staying there all day. People do this all the time. They wake up by alarm and roll from bed to bathroom to closet More >
Son of a bitch. You know, I do this every year. I mark it on my calendar, I think about it before I go to sleep, I carve backwards-written reminders into my forehead so I can read them properly when I look in the mirror—“May 21 is the Rapture”, “Rapture – May 21”, “Rapture Day More >
Arnold Schwarzenegger went and got himself a baby’s momma. Don’t act so shocked. It’s not like this is the first time an Austrian-born, former Mister Universe who rose to fame as an American action star and parlayed his success into becoming the Governor of California has cheated on his wife and had an illegitimate child. More >
While you’re mapping out that hectic week of yours let me make a quick plug for an incredible show happening this Thursday night: “I’M DOING GREAT” – A one-woman show written and performed by Madeline Walter. I know, the show’s the same night as the season finale of The Office. Tivo it. I know, your More >
