As we enter into this next chapter in the life of Poop or Chocolate I’m reminded of my wide-eyed days in the Girl Scouts, and in particular, a song we used to sing to welcome in new friends while reminding the old ones just how special they remain. It went a little some thing like this . . . *Ahem . . . Cue my mu’fuckin’ music.
(WARNING: High levels of creepiness may cause technical difficulties.)
Impossibly, the sound you just heard was our servers shattering. Just as I suspected, that song is too creepy for the new site. Whatever. I wasn’t feelin’ those old biddies anyway. I need new-friend making Girl Scout music with swerve. That goes ham. That shouts, “What’s good, shawty?! Big Bloggy wants to MAKE NEW FRIENDS!” SISTAHS IN SCOUTIN’ – TELL THEM HOW WE DO!
I’ve watched this a few times now. It’s not unreasonable to say I’ve studied it (not that kind of “studied it,” perv-brain). One question: Which one is Bobbing Monkey? Please tell me. Which one is Kaitlin the Bobbing Monkey? I just wanna know. It’s not a big deal, I just wanna . . . Y’know what? Don’t tell me. It’s not important. It’s not like it’s eating me up inside or anything. I’m fine. Why won’t you drop this?
Another thing: Girls, don’t think you slipped one past me when you gave little man smaller font in the credits. Dude was mixing it up for you and you try and bury him? Well it didn’t work. I see you, Lil’ G! AKA Ace 101! AKA . . . Trevor. Me, Lil’ G, Ace 101. We should make new friends together (last warning, pervert). Trevor’s not invited. Tell me you wouldn’t watch an Ace 101 joint starring Lil’ G and Big Bloggy. I defy you to not watch that! BOBBING MONKEY, REVEAL THYSELF!!!
If you keep pestering me about Bobbing Monkey I’m gonna forget my original point. Which is, if you’re new to Poop or Chocolate allow me to offer my hand in a gesture of new friendship. My name is Ben and mi casa es su casa. Bienvenidos! And if you came over with us from the old site and already know how I feel about casas, get over here and let me wrap a big bear hug aroundya. I hope you feel even more at home here than at the last spot.
There’s a saying in the world of business, “If you’re not expanding you’re contracting.” And if I’m ever contracting you can best believe it’s because Big Bloggy’s about to give birth as the world’s first pregnant man; which is just a really disgusting way of saying I have impossible goals that I intend on making possible and this move is just an early mile marker in the marathon of epic expansion.
Take a tour of the new digs and, if you haven’t already, check out the interview with Donald Glover right below this post. I hope you like what you see and read. This is just the beginning, y’all. Silver and Gold – One Love.
I'm not sure if Gold is being celebrated or murdered. This picture is too vague. And we all know Silvers and Golds have a complicated emotional history.
My name is Ben and I blogged this for the silvers and the golds.
As a friend, I want to tell you that I think this is one of your best posts as of late. However, as a friend, I’d like to tell you that if you ever make me watch that fucking video again I’m going to quit working for you. Your head’s gotten too bad, and I’m the pervert to tell you so.
No matter your opinions on military, let’s remember that people who serve and have served our country in the pursuit of freedom are extremely brave for doing so. Thank you to those who do a job I am too big a pussy to ever do myself.
May we all live and die with a purpose greater More >
For Mother’s Day I bought my Mom a dozen chocolate-covered strawberries from Shari’s Berries. Mom enjoyed them, I enjoyed giving them, and Shari enjoyed making a quick buck. Mom and I haven’t mentioned the transaction since, but Shari, she’s been trying to shove her berries down my throat at every conceivable turn. Well, the conceivable More >
I recently introduced my friends The Birthday Boys to this fun video hosting site called YouTube and, wouldn’t you know it, they’ve taken to it like fishheads in boiling water. And by that I mean swimmingly and/or deliciously.
Subscribe to The Birthday Boy YouTube page and tune in Mondays for new episodes of Horny Beach, the More >
Today, folks, I’m going off to a regular job. It’s just a temp gig – over one day after it starts – but it still feels weird; going to an office and staying there all day. People do this all the time. They wake up by alarm and roll from bed to bathroom to closet More >
Son of a bitch. You know, I do this every year. I mark it on my calendar, I think about it before I go to sleep, I carve backwards-written reminders into my forehead so I can read them properly when I look in the mirror—“May 21 is the Rapture”, “Rapture – May 21”, “Rapture Day More >
Arnold Schwarzenegger went and got himself a baby’s momma. Don’t act so shocked. It’s not like this is the first time an Austrian-born, former Mister Universe who rose to fame as an American action star and parlayed his success into becoming the Governor of California has cheated on his wife and had an illegitimate child. More >
While you’re mapping out that hectic week of yours let me make a quick plug for an incredible show happening this Thursday night: “I’M DOING GREAT” – A one-woman show written and performed by Madeline Walter. I know, the show’s the same night as the season finale of The Office. Tivo it. I know, your More >
about 1 year ago
As a friend, I want to tell you that I think this is one of your best posts as of late. However, as a friend, I’d like to tell you that if you ever make me watch that fucking video again I’m going to quit working for you. Your head’s gotten too bad, and I’m the pervert to tell you so.