As we enter into this next chapter in the life of Poop or Chocolate I’m reminded of my wide-eyed days in the Girl Scouts, and in particular, a song we used to sing to welcome in new friends while reminding the old ones just how special they remain. It went a little some thing like this . . . *Ahem . . . Cue my mu’fuckin’ music.
(WARNING: High levels of creepiness may cause technical difficulties.)
Impossibly, the sound you just heard was our servers shattering. Just as I suspected, that song is too creepy for the new site. Whatever. I wasn’t feelin’ those old biddies anyway. I need new-friend making Girl Scout music with swerve. That goes ham. That shouts, “What’s good, shawty?! Big Bloggy wants to MAKE NEW FRIENDS!” SISTAHS IN SCOUTIN’ – TELL THEM HOW WE DO!
I’ve watched this a few times now. It’s not unreasonable to say I’ve studied it (not that kind of “studied it,” perv-brain). One question: Which one is Bobbing Monkey? Please tell me. Which one is Kaitlin the Bobbing Monkey? I just wanna know. It’s not a big deal, I just wanna . . . Y’know what? Don’t tell me. It’s not important. It’s not like it’s eating me up inside or anything. I’m fine. Why won’t you drop this?
Another thing: Girls, don’t think you slipped one past me when you gave little man smaller font in the credits. Dude was mixing it up for you and you try and bury him? Well it didn’t work. I see you, Lil’ G! AKA Ace 101! AKA . . . Trevor. Me, Lil’ G, Ace 101. We should make new friends together (last warning, pervert). Trevor’s not invited. Tell me you wouldn’t watch an Ace 101 joint starring Lil’ G and Big Bloggy. I defy you to not watch that! BOBBING MONKEY, REVEAL THYSELF!!!
If you keep pestering me about Bobbing Monkey I’m gonna forget my original point. Which is, if you’re new to Poop or Chocolate allow me to offer my hand in a gesture of new friendship. My name is Ben and mi casa es su casa. Bienvenidos! And if you came over with us from the old site and already know how I feel about casas, get over here and let me wrap a big bear hug aroundya. I hope you feel even more at home here than at the last spot.
There’s a saying in the world of business, “If you’re not expanding you’re contracting.” And if I’m ever contracting you can best believe it’s because Big Bloggy’s about to give birth as the world’s first pregnant man; which is just a really disgusting way of saying I have impossible goals that I intend on making possible and this move is just an early mile marker in the marathon of epic expansion.
Take a tour of the new digs and, if you haven’t already, check out the interview with Donald Glover right below this post. I hope you like what you see and read. This is just the beginning, y’all. Silver and Gold – One Love.
I'm not sure if Gold is being celebrated or murdered. This picture is too vague. And we all know Silvers and Golds have a complicated emotional history.
My name is Ben and I blogged this for the silvers and the golds.
As a friend, I want to tell you that I think this is one of your best posts as of late. However, as a friend, I’d like to tell you that if you ever make me watch that fucking video again I’m going to quit working for you. Your head’s gotten too bad, and I’m the pervert to tell you so.
They say you can never go home again, that after leaving the nest your parents will inevitably fill the void of your childhood room with foosball tables, gift wrapping supplies, or even a “guest room” that summons the creepy thought of their aging middle aged friends getting snuggly beneath your Star Wars sheets.
Given that I’m More >
Just popping by for a minute with an update from Suburban Detroit (and to give t.j.’s middle finger a rest). The Sav-On Drugs is open 24-hours now, y’all. If you’re looking for a supermarket at 2AM and you can’t locate a good nuclear fallout shelter, Sav-On is your next best bet to fill your grocery More >
It’s hard enough calling a phone sex line when you know the voice on the other end is probably coming from a chain-smoking, leather-faced former lunch lady, but when the operator is a sexually maladjusted ex-con (and a man) it’s cause to never pick up a phone again. In “Phone Sex”, the latest sketch from More >
I’m going home to the great state of Michigan for a welcome dose of what McDonald’s terms “food, folks and fun.” I’ll be back after Labor Day, and you might not hear from me much between now and then. Probably you’re thinking, “Who cares?” and I agree with you. But if you aren’t thinking that More >
I’m watching the new “Karate Kid” movie right now. It’s not nearly as bad as you guys made it out to be. I’m not saying it’s good. It’s really not. But it’s got me thinking about whether the first one actually was either. I’m sorry, sentimentarians, but on logic alone this one has the More >
When I turned 30 I vowed I would change my life, and I did. I swore I’d stop lounging around on the couch all the time, and I did. I moved to a comfortable chair. I swore I’d stop eating Big Macs for breakfast, and I did. I started eating off the More >
I finally got around to seeing TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE last night. Kind of boring. The second one was kind of boring, too. For some reason, probably the hoards of adoring teenage fans, I keep expecting them to be teenage romps and then feeling disappointed when they aren’t; even though I didn’t want to see the first More >
Is it cold and rainy where you live? If so, today is a great day for a movie. It’s hot and sticky where you live? How is that my fault? It’s Movie Day!
The folks at Funny or Die! put out their first ever short film, BIG DOG, written and directed by Eric Appel and starring More >
In roughly three months, NASA will be sending the Robonaut 2 — a robot designed to do the work of a live-in maid — to the International Space Station. I’m convinced the butler-bot, nicknamed R2, is trying to make me look like a bitch. Here is a countdown of the five reasons why.
5. Job Security
I More >
We know what you say when we’re not around. You see us holding down all those “thinkin’ man’s jobs” and say, “Those Jews are so jewy, over there jewing it up like a bunch o’ Jews.” What you don’t know, BIGOT, is that we Jews are storing up our energy for the day we can More >
about 5 months ago
As a friend, I want to tell you that I think this is one of your best posts as of late. However, as a friend, I’d like to tell you that if you ever make me watch that fucking video again I’m going to quit working for you. Your head’s gotten too bad, and I’m the pervert to tell you so.