Are you ready for some football?!

San Diego Charger Shawne Merriman definitely is, because playing in one of tonight’s Monday Night Football games means he’s not in jail for crimes against Tila Tequila. If you don’t know the details of their sitch, well, neither does anyone else, but here are the broad strokes: She said he beat and imprisoned her. He said she’s a drunken liar.

The problem is, he seems like he would do those things and she seems like she would drunkenly lie about them.

courtesy of mediatakeout.com

On Friday, the DA decided that Tequila was more drunken liar than Merriman was abusive, amateur prison warden, and so the case was dismissed. In unfairness to his victory, you would have to be a helluva lot of whatever you are to be “greater than” someone with the chosen surname “Tequila” at drunken anything (let alone the drunk’s strongest skill, lying).

I’m no DA, but I do have a “D” and an “A”, and they’re both telling me that anyone who willingly keeps Tila Tequila from leaving their company must have an extremely good reason, as no one would do so otherwise. Thats probably what the DA was thinking. That, and these two deserve each other. In the prison of their love.

Or maybe he’s just ready for some football.

You know who is NOT ready for some football? Me and my fellow Detroit Lions fans. Rooting for them is like having a brother whose a serial killer or a child molester or something; some crime past the point of “I get it, he’s a dick, but he’s my brother.” Eventually the black sheep must be cut loose from the herd.

Hmmm, the Detroit Lions aka the Detroit Black Sheep. I may have just stumbled upon a tee-shirt empire.  Anyone who attempts to steal this idea, I will find you, beat you, and imprison you. No I won’t, I’m just a drunken liar.

My name is Ben and I blogged this.